We won't recover from our pain, okay...
Death, pain and all those whom you look at to especially family would say: "Who are you?", "What are you doing?", "Where were you at that moment?", "When did you become someone who I don't know? " "Why not by my side?" And "How can I count on you?"
After death, many people felt isolated and misunderstood. Shot down by friends and community, you can say, at least I have my family. why not? Family members must accompany each other. For many people, relatives have always been their burdens on the ground and a beacon in the wind and rain.
It is proven that daughters have more intense grief responses than sons, but men who lose their parents may be slower to move on. “Males tend to show emotions less and compartmentalize more,” Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist and author, told Fatherly.
As a child, my father was the first man I ever loved. When I started falling, he was the first person to catch me there. When I was scared or hurt, he was the first person to wipe my tears away. The first one told me how beautiful and special I am. He set a precedent for anyone who came into my life. When he took his last breath, I stood by my mother's side, and suddenly I realized that she was gone, and I had to watch my mother and my brother grow.
2018 changed the way I see the prospective of life, changed my opinions of ordinary people and lifting all weight on my shoulders to be strong while grieving.In the days, weeks, and months after my father's death, I felt unimaginable pain. Think about my worst breakup and multiply it by 100. This hasn't even touched the surface of what it will look like. I was angry, and found myself trembling when I was very angry. I would cry until I had a headache, my eyes were always swollen, and my nose would be too stuffy to breathe.
Food lost its appeal and my weight dropped faster. I developed old bad habits, anything that could help me numb and painless so that you can sleep all night. However, I didn't dream of him, would go around watching old videos and images for hours so that I can hear his voice or see his smile. One day, when I walked through a store, I saw a person who looked like my father, and my heart sunk to the ground. The seller would ask of him and I didn't have any answer to give.
My weakest point at the time was seeing my beautiful mother and brother crying and wanting him to wake up. I remember being the first to see him laying motionless in the coffin and seriously injured.
I believe death brings the best and the worst in the family. Families usually fall apart when one of its beloved members has died. As families grow apart and they communicate less and less with one another, some may turn to drugs or alcohol to help them cope with their grieving. This is not unusual but may lead to serious effects if left untreated. Well I experienced that, some used the opportunity to make promises that none was fulfilled and that drifted all the father apart. Now it's me, my mother and lil one fighting against all odds.
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